Posted by Anonymous on 2014/11/11 under Uncategorized Months ago my last girlfriend broke with me. “You weren’t the same irl” (long distance relationship. Although I do feel I was acting the same ; but actually she seemed to decide to broke the very day I had sort of an anxiety attack in front of her.)
So I was feeling really down and not worthy of anything. There was a girl I was close friends woth for about a year, who I constantly try to cheer up when she was feeling down and who somehow self proclaimed us best friends, who tried to consolate me the day she knew about the situation.
Day after day her support was fading away and she only answered to my messages by smeileys or took hours to see them. She was hanging out with my ex. I felt betrayed, sort of, and the feeling of being left behind just was bigger and bigger eveyday.
I tried to make contact with her again. “How are you doing ?” “Oh you wanted those prints some time ago. Want me to buy them for you and you’ll give me back the money when I’ll give them to you ?” she agreed, although she didn’t really seem to care. She was busy elswhere after all.
It was kind of an offer to get her those prints because I was really in need of money at this moment.
But when I recieved them and told her, sje was saying ” oH but actually I don’t have the money.” She seemed to care even less, and on my side I was in a really s***ty siruation because of this (well, added to other things, I needed to.lend some money to.people.)
She spent weeks without talking to me after that. Before the breakup I mostly talked with that girend and my ex but I was now so alone, with money prpblems, unable to.get a proper job.
Somehow she commented a thing I posted one day and then I was “??? She actually cares ? She knows that was me who ppsted that and still didn’t ignore it ?” so I talked to her that day. She showed me things she bought. I was “ha… Haha… Yeah”, but she mentionned the payment thing by herself ” I’ll pay you there if I have still my money !” and well, ok. But then I asked her a question she didn’t answer for very long, so I said “nevermind. Have a good evening” and she kind of got mad. So I got mad as well and we had an argument she escaped.
Then she showed up the next day in the morning and apologized strangely. She said she was going to ignore me again because she couldn’t help it. If before I was mostly sad of this argument, I.got really angry at this point. I obviously wasn’t worth her time. I wasn’t worth of anything anyway, was I ? I became cold towards her. Under the heavy emotions I wrote a status basically saying “if I’m a s***ty friend or don’t want me in your life you should tell me”, a friend messaged me about that because it was kind of rude and apparently the other girl was feeling sad because of it. I couldn’t care less. I just wanted her to go away and leave me alone like she obviously wanted to.
The week after that incident I was taken for a job, and was really happy. FINALLY I could have my own roof, live on my own and save part of the paycheck for an art school like I always wanted to !
… But having a job scares me. I know I’m going to have bad results at it. It’s on home office, then I must all do by myself but it scares me. I NEED to do it but I can’t bring myself to.
There’s a event I was supposed to go but I know both my ex and that girl will be there. I don’t want to see them. I don’t ever ever ever want to have something to do with them again.
And two days ago, one of my closest family members was diagnosticed with a cancer in their eyes. There’s so many things to handle and I don’t know HOW I can do that.
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You can do anything….just belive in youself and I’m sure you’ll be fine